I am running to Your arms...

"You are peace, you are peace When my fear is crippling You are true, You are true Even in my wandering You are joy, You are joy You're the reason that I sing You are life, You are life In You death has lost its sting Oh, I'm running to Your arms I'm running to Your arms The riches of Your love Will always be enough Nothing compares to Your embrace Light of the world forever reign!" This Hillsong song is resonating in my heart a lot right now. He is our reason for everything. Without Him I am nothing, can be nothing, and do nothing. God I pray I would see my need for you all the time. You are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I want this to be my prayer and proclaimation everyday.

ZOE! She makes me smile a LOT!

Here is a little video of Zoe that makes me smile! I want to start posting more and more pics and videos. I have been terrible at that. I love that Zoe learns and picks up on so much these days, she definitely keeps us on our toes.

This is one of my favorite Easter pictures of Allen and Zoe, they are too cute.

What a sweet picture. Mom took Zoe to the middle school where my dad taught and they have a memorial bench out front for him. Love it!

30!

30 Things that have Influenced me Greatly *loving parents and extended family. *great town of Fountain Inn to grow up in. *Solid ladies in my life from early on. *Trips to Mexico *Small, Amazing college experience at Anderson with great friends. *Total Surrender to the Lord, giving Him everything and living for Him *Finding a jewel of a husband. *Marrying Allen *Through marriage having more amazing family. *Seeing what hurt and loss looks like through losing a friend and watching friends fight for their child's life, and understanding what really matters. *faith move to new city to plant a church *Friends that seem more like family *Midtown *Meeting new people of Columbia *More Trips to Mexico (would love to live there someday) *Ultimate Frisbee *Parent Educating Job *Losing Dad suddenly *Eah's Cancer *Infertility *Pregnant with 6 *Loss of 6 *Support *Pregnat with Zoe *Zoe's Birth *Watching Zoe Learn and Grow *Walking through being a mom *Adoption Decision *Changes *Waiting for future children. These are just a few.

let there be stillness

For those of you who know me know I don't like to be still for too long, I love going hard and then crashing (I think Zoe is the same way :)). In more ways than one, that is what I need so much, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I know the Lord speaks to us so much in our stillness and waiting. I read this in a devotional today that I wanted to share, Speak Lord, in the stillness, While I wait on Thee; Hushed my to listen in expectancy. Speak, O blessed Master, In the quiet hour, Let me see Thy face Lord, Feel the touch of power. For the words Thou speak, "They are life" indeed; Living Bread from heaven, Now my spirit feed! All to Thee is yielded, I am not my own; Blissful glad surrender, I am Thine alone. Fill me with the knowledge Of Thy glorious will' All Thine own good pleasure In my life fulfill. -Emily May Grimes Let this be my heart's cry.

Rest.

"Come to me, all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 Thank you Lord, that you know our every hurt, joy, cry, thought, and you LOVE us deeply. Thank You.

Delay

I wanted to continue to post things over the last weeks as things came to mind during the 3 year mark of losing the babies. I felt like there were many things I couldnt type into words, that ended up being good processing and praying for me. I am too hard on myself I realize, and should never make up any excuse or DELAY in sharing my heart about missing the babies, how is affects my parenting to Zoe, and even how I respond to others. So here it goes, my hardest ache right now is that they are forgotten, and my fear is I will forget details and things about them. I will continue to work through this and figure out ways that that isnt the case. I have feared the same with my dad as well, I hate it. I promise I don't say these things for sympathy whatsoever, but want to be honest with myself and others and continue to grow closer to the Lord through it and not rely on my strength. I am very thankful God knows these things and is walking with me, ahead of me, and for me.

Rule or Restore

Rule or Restore I feel like we have the choice for either our circumstances to RULE or RESTORE us. I also think for me I too often let the weight and and hurt rule. I was thinking today as I took Zoe to Jacob, Evan, Jonathan, David, Hope, and Joy's grave how much an influence I have and can have in showing Zoe God's goodness and care for us through that time in our lives, and truly how it affects us now. It was so sweet as I planted a small flower behind the babies grave, Zoe took her hand and shovel and dusted the marker off. I also enjoyed making a quick visit to Med Park 2 to take a little flower to a special ultrasound nurse, Cindy Powell. During my time being pregnant with both Zoe and the 6 we spent a lot of time with Cindy, and she was the most loving, knowledgeable friend. When we lost the babies, she was one of those people that stood beside us and helped hold our arms up. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. "So we do not lose heart.Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things seen but the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, bu the things that are unseen are eternal."