My 8th.

I will apologize up front for the last post and this one being a little bit more on the heavy side, but also want to be open to share some of the things that I am processing and learning.  First and foremost, it is an absolute miracle and gift from the Lord that I am growing another Tipping baby in my tummy.  I am so thankful, and don't deserve it.  Since finding out we were pregnant, I have thought about the reality off and on that this is our 8th baby...6 with Jesus, precious Zoe here with us, and one on the way.  If I think about this too long I quickly get overwhelmed, but a great place to see God's goodness as well.  I still struggle with how to share the story of our babies.  Something to think about, if you read this and you know those who have lost babies or children, ask them about their experience/memories.  Take time to learn about God used a terrible thing for good.  As we press forward in this pregnancy I pray we would not take any time for granted with Zoe or baby Tipping in the belly, and we would also remember our 6 (Jacob, Evan, Joy, David, Jonathan, Hope) that are with Jesus.  Thank you Lord for teaching me so much through this adventure of life-I hope in some way I can share who you are and how you love us through my heart.

Heaviness at times...God at Work in the Mess

Tomorrow will be six years since my dad passed away.  I will never forget the chain of events that played out that night.  From confusing phone calls, to frantic packing, to nervously driving to Myrtle Beach, hoping and praying for the best.  We were about an hour away from the beach when we got the news that dad had left this earth.  I can't believe its been six years, yet at the same time so much has happened in these 6 years that it does feel that long!

Some of the hardest moments for me are seeing my mom sad and lonely in the midst of not having her companion, soulmate there.  I also at times just would like a little conversation with dad just to hear his voice, because at this point its hard to remember that and I don't want to forget.  One of the biggest things that is weighty on my heart a lot is what dad is not able to be a part of on this earth, yet he is with our Lord, I can't imagine! I wish he could hug and kiss (and spoil) little Zoe and see her live life.  Here is what is so great though, is I see so many things in Zoe that remind me of dad, thank you Jesus for that.  I look forward to telling Zoe more and more about "Papa Bob" as well as with our other children. I laugh often thinking of how my dad would interact with Zoe, I would probably be a "nobody" as he took her to do whatever in the world she wanted to do!  Thank you Lord that I can see you at work in the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Thank you that even in the heaviness I can praise You and I trust You.

This pic is from back in May, but my dad loved loved balloons.  At birthdays you usually got a bushel of balloons!  I didn't capture a good picture at Zoe's birthday, but mom did great getting lots of balloons, and then we released a bunch for you dad, so this one is for you too!!

God's Story

So I posted a picture today on Instragram to announce we are pregnant...but I didn't want it to go without the story leading up to sharing the news today...so here it goes!

As many of you know, for the last year we have been on the road to adopting.  We were cleared with Bethany back in February and had just been waiting on that "call" or "email".  Both Allen and I were pumped to welcome a new baby boy or girl into our family through adoption.  During this time, I was going through some difficult things with my body, long story short, I wasn't sure I would be pregnant again.  In fact, I remember a time back in May, after a doctor's appointment and some process time, that I had a peace that I wouldn't be pregnant again.

Well, about 4 weeks ago for about a week and a half I wasn't feeling great and couldn't figure out what was going on, so I decided to take a pregnancy test before calling the doctor. It was positive.  The next three were positive.I called Wendy, my doctor, and she immediately said there could be no way I was pregnant. It seemed like de ja vu from finding out I was pregnant with Zoe.  Mine and Allen's heads and hearts were spinning.  The following week I did blood work and an ultrasound and I was 9 weeks pregnant!!  The Lord's plan and will be done is our prayer, we are super excited, and thankful for what the Lord has in store.  We will still be adopting, just in a different season or different seasons!!!  Thankfully, Bethany will just put a hold on our file and we will reopen and update when we can! God is good.

I am 13 weeks today. We will have the baby mid March. Please continue to pray!
I hope to write on here more and more, we shall see! My favorite Zoe statement right now is "baby in the tummy, baby in the tummy!!!"

It has been too long!

It has been quite a while since I have blogged. Sorry. No real reason.  I wanted to update with really no update in our Adoption Journey, we are just "in the waiting". I also will share a few pics of Zoe. And soon, I will write some more thoughts and things I am learning.

                                                                 Looking at the fishies!

                                                                        See Saw!!!
                                                             

Love Drawing with Gingee!!

Love Washing with Eah!!!

Mountain Baby!!!

I am running to Your arms...

"You are peace, you are peace When my fear is crippling You are true, You are true Even in my wandering You are joy, You are joy You're the reason that I sing You are life, You are life In You death has lost its sting Oh, I'm running to Your arms I'm running to Your arms The riches of Your love Will always be enough Nothing compares to Your embrace Light of the world forever reign!" This Hillsong song is resonating in my heart a lot right now. He is our reason for everything. Without Him I am nothing, can be nothing, and do nothing. God I pray I would see my need for you all the time. You are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I want this to be my prayer and proclaimation everyday.

ZOE! She makes me smile a LOT!

Here is a little video of Zoe that makes me smile! I want to start posting more and more pics and videos. I have been terrible at that. I love that Zoe learns and picks up on so much these days, she definitely keeps us on our toes.

This is one of my favorite Easter pictures of Allen and Zoe, they are too cute.

What a sweet picture. Mom took Zoe to the middle school where my dad taught and they have a memorial bench out front for him. Love it!

30!

30 Things that have Influenced me Greatly *loving parents and extended family. *great town of Fountain Inn to grow up in. *Solid ladies in my life from early on. *Trips to Mexico *Small, Amazing college experience at Anderson with great friends. *Total Surrender to the Lord, giving Him everything and living for Him *Finding a jewel of a husband. *Marrying Allen *Through marriage having more amazing family. *Seeing what hurt and loss looks like through losing a friend and watching friends fight for their child's life, and understanding what really matters. *faith move to new city to plant a church *Friends that seem more like family *Midtown *Meeting new people of Columbia *More Trips to Mexico (would love to live there someday) *Ultimate Frisbee *Parent Educating Job *Losing Dad suddenly *Eah's Cancer *Infertility *Pregnant with 6 *Loss of 6 *Support *Pregnat with Zoe *Zoe's Birth *Watching Zoe Learn and Grow *Walking through being a mom *Adoption Decision *Changes *Waiting for future children. These are just a few.

let there be stillness

For those of you who know me know I don't like to be still for too long, I love going hard and then crashing (I think Zoe is the same way :)). In more ways than one, that is what I need so much, physically, spiritually, and mentally. I know the Lord speaks to us so much in our stillness and waiting. I read this in a devotional today that I wanted to share, Speak Lord, in the stillness, While I wait on Thee; Hushed my to listen in expectancy. Speak, O blessed Master, In the quiet hour, Let me see Thy face Lord, Feel the touch of power. For the words Thou speak, "They are life" indeed; Living Bread from heaven, Now my spirit feed! All to Thee is yielded, I am not my own; Blissful glad surrender, I am Thine alone. Fill me with the knowledge Of Thy glorious will' All Thine own good pleasure In my life fulfill. -Emily May Grimes Let this be my heart's cry.

Rest.

"Come to me, all you are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 Thank you Lord, that you know our every hurt, joy, cry, thought, and you LOVE us deeply. Thank You.

Delay

I wanted to continue to post things over the last weeks as things came to mind during the 3 year mark of losing the babies. I felt like there were many things I couldnt type into words, that ended up being good processing and praying for me. I am too hard on myself I realize, and should never make up any excuse or DELAY in sharing my heart about missing the babies, how is affects my parenting to Zoe, and even how I respond to others. So here it goes, my hardest ache right now is that they are forgotten, and my fear is I will forget details and things about them. I will continue to work through this and figure out ways that that isnt the case. I have feared the same with my dad as well, I hate it. I promise I don't say these things for sympathy whatsoever, but want to be honest with myself and others and continue to grow closer to the Lord through it and not rely on my strength. I am very thankful God knows these things and is walking with me, ahead of me, and for me.

Rule or Restore

Rule or Restore I feel like we have the choice for either our circumstances to RULE or RESTORE us. I also think for me I too often let the weight and and hurt rule. I was thinking today as I took Zoe to Jacob, Evan, Jonathan, David, Hope, and Joy's grave how much an influence I have and can have in showing Zoe God's goodness and care for us through that time in our lives, and truly how it affects us now. It was so sweet as I planted a small flower behind the babies grave, Zoe took her hand and shovel and dusted the marker off. I also enjoyed making a quick visit to Med Park 2 to take a little flower to a special ultrasound nurse, Cindy Powell. During my time being pregnant with both Zoe and the 6 we spent a lot of time with Cindy, and she was the most loving, knowledgeable friend. When we lost the babies, she was one of those people that stood beside us and helped hold our arms up. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. "So we do not lose heart.Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things seen but the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, bu the things that are unseen are eternal."

Bitter Sweet.

I have definitely had a hard time with words this week and just verbalizing the reality of where my heart is. Something bitter sweet happened today, after 3 years of getting a bill every month to pay on our hospital bill from the close to 3 week stay when losing the babies...I paid the last amount today. What a relief, yet part closure as well. It is a good thing. Zoe and I have done a lot of things outside this week because the weather has been so great, and it has been so tender and sweet to see her little smile and giggles and eyes looking at me as I share little bits and pieces about her brothers and sisters in heaven. I hope to continue to show her who Jesus is through the babies. I am thankful for this week to reflect and remember a very dark time but God glorifying time. I pray God will give more and more opportunities to love on women who have lost babies. I pray God will continue to give strength for tomorrow. Thankful for a God that cares deeply for me, and loves me when I don't deserve it.

Survival Mode.

There are parts of me that definitely feel like I am in survival mode right now. It is a place I don't want to stay.I constantly need God's strength to carry through. I have to also be really honest to say there is so much of me that doesn't want to allow myself to feel the heaviness and reality of losing my first six children. It is definitely more defined during this week, and even though the sting is less at other times the babies are not forgotten. Parts of me feel like I am in survival mode because of dealing with and going through the motions of these days. I will not lose the truth. GOd is good,I love Him, I trust Him, and I continue to see the good things He has done, is doing, and will do. For those of you who have lost a child, what parts of things helps you the most to talk about. Do people still ask you a few years down the road about your child, your experience? Here are just a few thoughts, more to come...

Remember, Reflect, Rejoice...

3 years ago, I stepped into a time that seemed quite like a nightmare. Over the course of a few weeks, we lost Jacob, Evan, Joy, David, Jonathan, and Hope. I carried our sextuplets for a little over 20 wks before things went in the worst direction possible. Over the next week I hope to try to do things to remember the babies, reflect on things the Lord has done through all of it, and Rejoice in all the Lord has in store. I will try to share thoughts along the way. In all honesty, I feel a little bit in a gloom not always knowing what this time looks like. It is crazy that it has been 3 years. It is crazy how much happened during that time and crazy all that has happened since then. Things I remember being so crucially helpful during our time in the hospital were people like our families, Brandon and Kristi, Denise, Dustin and Renie, and nurse Tressa. These folks lifted our arms to take our next steps, and held us up. I think of countless blog comments, emails, and messages from known friends and unknown friends on their knees praying, amazing. This is a start in my processing over the next week or so...these next couple of posts will prob be a bit raw. Thanks for taking the time to read.

Great friend, Renie, you will be missed. My sweet, best friend Renie and her family are on their way to Atlanta. I have known for a couple of months now that this time would come for them to make the move but still didn't prepare for feelings and emotions that I am dealing with. Would like to share a few great things/memories. 1. Of recent, Renie loved to have craft time with the kids. Always fantastic ideas, not always super age appropriate. Actually so much fun because that meant us "adults" either got to play and do the crafts or eat the supplies! 2. Many, many great adventures together-some favorites...MEXICO, Ohio, Florida, Charleston, Greenville, Georgia, Fountain Inn, Hendersonville, Gatlinburg... 3. Renie, I learned so so much from you as you became a mom to Jack and now Piper, in what the heck I was suppose to do. 4. Over the years, as we have been on the wild ride of church planter's wives, I had an ear to listen, shoulder to cry on, and someone to laugh with. 5. Your discernment and wisdom as hard to find, that has always been such a blessing to me. 6. Thanks for being so loving, patient, and understanding to someone like me. Just to name a few.

step up.

Take a look at this, truth. Let's encourage and push our parent's generation. A really precious friend wrote this on her blog. www.gatheredfromafar.com

Picture of Joy.  10 things I love on a daily basis watching Zoe do these days...

1. Wanting to be chased around the house, and looking over her shoulder to see if we are coming after her. ( the only bad part is she doesn't always look ahead to see where she is going and runs into the wall!)
2. Trying her hardest to totally communicate with me, but really she is the only one who knows what she is saying.
3. Flips through books as if she is really reading them, she LOVES books.
4. She has got "Pwweeaase" down pat and says it while pointing with two fingers at what she wants, hard at times to refrain from everything she wants by saying please!
5. Imitates me by putting her hands in hair to wash her hair in the bathtub.
6. Loves to climb, especially at the park, and watches other kids to see what to do next.
7. Eating strawberries, hummus, and grapes are about her ultimate favorite foods.
8. While at the zoo, she has no fear of the giraffes and feeding them.  She grabs lettuce and goes at it at feeding them.
9. She has started being a lot more cuddly when going to bed, I love every little bit of her laying her head on my shoulder as I walk her to her room.
10. Watching Zoe play with Jack, my best friend's little one who is about a year older than her is priceless.  She wants to do everything he is doing and be right in his business, and smiles the whole time!

new thing...

So I am giving this a whirl, starting a fresh new blog. For about three years now I had done a blog, www.thetippingfamily.com, which was started as we received news that we were expecting sextuplets. I used the blog to really update folks through that journey of pregnancy, preterm labor, losing the babies, and grieving and the journey thereafter losing the babies. It also became a place to share my heart as we got pregnant with our little girl, Zoe. As she came into the world, I have been less than great at posting things and updating. Also, we are now in the works of adoption as well that I would love to be sharing more about. A little bit ago I decided to cancel the blog, because one the renewal few was pretty pricey to continue with, and two, I just didn't feel like I wanted to continue the blog and didn't know what to say...well, I know the Lord is using this to teach me and to share more as I write. We will see how it goes. I hope that through this new phase, The Tipping's on Mission, you will get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly as you go on mission with us as I share my heart and what adventures the Lord has us on. Big news right now...on Valentine's Day, we also got all approval for adoption stuff through Bethany, so now we are a a waiting family, waiting to match with a birth mom.